letters to "you"

dear stupid man on the bus,
thank you for chatting away on your handsfree headset. thank you, for one, for being so self-involved that you really need to be on a handsfree headset to chitchat with some random friend of nothing of consequence. Moreover, thank you for picking your nose blatantly and then wiping it on the seat while on your handsfree headset. And once more, thank you for being just so with it that you cannot even manage to figure out how to properly wear your handsfree headset. You are a winner; a key member of society. Thank you for letting me grace your large-nostriled presence, I am humbled.

dear elderly woman on the the bike trail riding a child's bike,
your purple and teal sparkle magic bike, pedaling so slow on the trail, in your classic yellow pants and your hanging bingo wings creates that combination that is undeniably awesome. You win.

dear human resource department,
thank you for being so talented at your job that you can manage to lose time cards. I am thrilled at the fact that I will not be getting my paycheck for last pay period. How did you know I really just wanted to have to wait another two weeks before I get paid for all that work? I really am grateful for this lesson in patience. Oh, and your phone manners-impeccable! Listening skills are a ten, even though you couldn't understand my last name after I spelled it 5 times. Keep up the good work. Cancel those extra training sessions you were considering, unnecessary.