people are strange

isn't it strange that the one person you want to baby and take care of your entire life can all of a sudden be grown up, and wise? she talks to me like i talk to myself. and for the first time in years, she reminded me of me. it's been a long time since we've been this connected. i forgot how much i missed living for her. she makes it so hard and so easy to be messed up and no matter what she makes me want to be better. i want to show her what to do and what not to do even if it means fucking up. and part of me thinks i did a little. maybe i didn't screw up as much as i always thought. i love you sister/best friend. you will always be my little, and my goo, but thank you for being wise and being able to hurt and come to me and be strong and be there when i am hurt and weak. i forget that you are still so young and living everything for the first time because you have lived so much with me, but i am glad you can do it unscathed with no scars. you are beautiful and will be stronger than i ever could be.

alh, love you little sister.

over

totally done caring. lies slowly warp into laughter and i am unafraid of you.

blunted

head aches and constant shakes

sometimes it feels like my eyelashes are falling out and I have to stop what I am doing and feel my eyelids

boderline personality disorder

lets all live on film.


catch me holding hands with ophelia and a faint-hearted smile but the horse is foaming
and i am sad.








p.s.
ruby got three compliments today when we went for a ride, great bike.
i found 4 blowpops in my old purse

must be

must be me

thank you to the woman today who said
"the past does not exist and the future does not exist. you cannot live in either."

i take away patience.

like a wonder-bra

thank gods for helping hands
holding up broken necks
and smokey houses where
there are whiskey floors
and loose change
for the challenged few
who envision lies
and reach for touch on public transit
but leave us laughing
for miniature glowing
screened words from
fingers hours away
for little whispers
from family trees
and little whiskers
from family canines
pain lines
recede.


things are really busy. i can't keep focus. i have too much stuff to do for school plus work and the unpaid internship thing. shopping trip coming up soon. maybe some new changes that I am waiting to hear back about. maybe doing an invisible children thing this weekend. or maybe a hillbilly party with some rat patrol people. mbcc meeting on sunday of this week. then the last of my finals. then summer.

end scene

i am not ready for my curtain call..

if the world needs me, it would be nice to let me know.

and so begins the longest winter.
today will be the date.

lungs filled with cement